It's safe to assume that my lack of posting means that i fell off the horse. I'm not going to try and make posts for the final few days. It wasn't pretty. Fell back to my old ways. Unsure what happened. I just gave up.
Needless to say, this is something that will be a work in progress. I'm not going to simply give up completely. I have work to do. Having such difficulty with a challenge really helps expose my weaknesses and let's me know which areas deserve more attention.
Nothing is a failure if you learn from it. I learn more in failure than i do in success. Don't be afraid to fail. Don't make that an easy excuse to quit, either.
Showing posts with label Smoke Free. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Smoke Free. Show all posts
Smoking Less - Day 16 & 17
The past two days haven't gone as expected.
It's just too easy to drop the ball. I can be good for 23 hours and 59 minutes a day but it only takes that one minute to light up.
When i fail once, it makes it easier to fail later. I tell myself, "i already failed today's challenge i might as well keep smoking." I'm really not sure why i do this to myself. Sabotaging my own efforts.
It's just too easy to drop the ball. I can be good for 23 hours and 59 minutes a day but it only takes that one minute to light up.
When i fail once, it makes it easier to fail later. I tell myself, "i already failed today's challenge i might as well keep smoking." I'm really not sure why i do this to myself. Sabotaging my own efforts.
Smoking Less - Day 15
I succeeded today in that i did not smoke before work or during lunch. It helped that i woke up only 25 minutes before i had to leave. I was rushing around and didn't even time to think about it. I also stayed downtown at lunchtime as opposed to going back home. Thus, there was no opportunity to smoke at lunch either!
Let's hope i can stay strong tomorrow without having to hide!
Let's hope i can stay strong tomorrow without having to hide!
Smoking Less - Day 14
I was being productive today so i used that as an excuse to smoke as i pleased. I was supposed to have a couple of baseball games this afternoon but they were rained out. I was looking forward to being out of the house for 7 hours.
Anyways, it's back to cube tomorrow so i'll get into my after work routine. One week left in this challenge. There's plenty to be salvaged if i allow myself to be successful.
Anyways, it's back to cube tomorrow so i'll get into my after work routine. One week left in this challenge. There's plenty to be salvaged if i allow myself to be successful.
Smoking Less - Day 12 & 13
The weekend brought with it new challenges and new disappointments. During the week i have the "luxury" of being at work for 9 hours a day. I don't ever smoke at work. However, on the weekend i typically smoke from the time i wake up until the time i go to bed. While i wasn't that extreme, i still didn't put it off until the end of the day.
I'm frustrated with myself, i just can't let that frustration get me down. That's when other and more negative behavior occurs.
I'm looking into joining a local gym. I have a consultation in a week. I'm looking to fill my schedule with meaningful activities so that i don't have the opportunity to partake in these negative behaviors. More on that if/when it happens.
I'm frustrated with myself, i just can't let that frustration get me down. That's when other and more negative behavior occurs.
I'm looking into joining a local gym. I have a consultation in a week. I'm looking to fill my schedule with meaningful activities so that i don't have the opportunity to partake in these negative behaviors. More on that if/when it happens.
Smoking Less - Day 11
So i realize today that it's still an uphill battle! After a decade of smoking regularly, it's just normal to me. I'm used to smoking in the morning and smoking again at lunch. I still had to flex that "don't do it" muscle!
This challenge, although a "failure" is still going to be beneficial. I don't want to use that as an excuse to just give up in the future, but more like, "just fuckin' try it!" You're going to learn something regardless.
I'm convinced that i'm still going to come out of these 21 days a better person. That's what it's all about.
I'm convinced that i'm still going to come out of these 21 days a better person. That's what it's all about.
I love and appreciate each and every one of you!
Smoke Free - Day 10
If you've been following along, you've probably been waiting for me to cave. Today is that day. I broke down and bought some smokes.
As i mentioned before, i embarked on this challenge because i thought i should, not because i really wanted to. Truthfully, my goal all along has not been to completely quit but to simply reduce the amount that i smoked. A beer and a smoke after work to chill, for example. More of an occasional indulgence as opposed to a regular occurrence.
I appreciate the support that i've received. You know who you are. I'm sorry i let you down. For the haters, congratulations, i failed. You can bask in this one. I'm down, but not out.
Instead of completely abandoning the challenge, i will only smoke once per day. I believe that this is a goal that is a little more attainable. Perhaps it's where i should've started in the first place.
So, from now on out the title of this challenge is misleading. It is what it is. I've done worse.
As i mentioned before, i embarked on this challenge because i thought i should, not because i really wanted to. Truthfully, my goal all along has not been to completely quit but to simply reduce the amount that i smoked. A beer and a smoke after work to chill, for example. More of an occasional indulgence as opposed to a regular occurrence.
I appreciate the support that i've received. You know who you are. I'm sorry i let you down. For the haters, congratulations, i failed. You can bask in this one. I'm down, but not out.
Instead of completely abandoning the challenge, i will only smoke once per day. I believe that this is a goal that is a little more attainable. Perhaps it's where i should've started in the first place.
So, from now on out the title of this challenge is misleading. It is what it is. I've done worse.
Smoke Free - Day 9
I have a feeling that this challenge isn't going to last for 21 days. As i mentioned before, this isn't something i feel like i even want to do. I feel like i should.
Being smoke free has simply led to an uptick in other negative behaviors. I'm simply replacing a bad habit with another bad habit. That wasn't the idea.
Where is this going? Stay tuned..
Being smoke free has simply led to an uptick in other negative behaviors. I'm simply replacing a bad habit with another bad habit. That wasn't the idea.
Where is this going? Stay tuned..
Smoke Free - Day 8
I'm not going to lie. I don't want to do this anymore.
I never really wanted to quit smoking. I started this challenge in hopes that i'd quit for 21 days and then reintroduce it back into my life. The hope was that i'd ultimately cut down on smoking and make it more of an event than a regular occurrence. A "drink and a cigar to unwind" kind of thing.
I never really wanted to quit smoking. I started this challenge in hopes that i'd quit for 21 days and then reintroduce it back into my life. The hope was that i'd ultimately cut down on smoking and make it more of an event than a regular occurrence. A "drink and a cigar to unwind" kind of thing.
Not being 100% committed makes accomplishing goals really hard. (See the gluten free challenge) It's easy to find ways to cheat or simply give up.
As i mentioned yesterday, is it really that big of a deal? Doesn't everybody have their "thing?" I can't help but think that addiction plagues almost everybody. We typically only think of vices such as smoking, drinking, or gambling but the reality is that people are addicted to many things. Money, shopping, sex, power, being skinny, etc. etc...
Why isn't being addicted to money and power frowned upon? It seems as though in our society people with those types of addictions are rewarded and put on the cover of Fortune magazine.
What does this all mean? Fuck if i know. I still haven't gone out and bought smokes but i really want to just say, "fuck it!" Which is also the reason i feel like i should continue... And although i don't think it really applies to overcoming addiction, we're not supposed to should on ourselves!
Why isn't being addicted to money and power frowned upon? It seems as though in our society people with those types of addictions are rewarded and put on the cover of Fortune magazine.
What does this all mean? Fuck if i know. I still haven't gone out and bought smokes but i really want to just say, "fuck it!" Which is also the reason i feel like i should continue... And although i don't think it really applies to overcoming addiction, we're not supposed to should on ourselves!
Can you tell i'm a gemini? Constant internal battles..
Smoke Free - Day 6 & 7
Still on some bullshit. Now i'm just replacing my habit with other vices. I consumed a 12 pack of some decent beer in the last two days. Normally, the chances of this happening are very slim. It seems as my "smoke free" challenge has just led to other negative behavior. *shaking my head*
It fuckin sucks but i'm still dedicated to this 21 days. When the days are up, i'm pretty sure i'll continue to smoke. It is what it is. Everybody's got their thing though, right? (Bargaining?)
It fuckin sucks but i'm still dedicated to this 21 days. When the days are up, i'm pretty sure i'll continue to smoke. It is what it is. Everybody's got their thing though, right? (Bargaining?)
Smoke Free - Day 5
Drinking --> smoking. Fuck, damn, shit, piss. I'm going to end up smoking on more days of the "smoke free" challenge than not. Sonofabitch.
Until my girlfriend made the light bulb go off. She said, "now you're just going to have to start over again." I replied, "yeah, that's fine." She said, "fine for you maybe but not for me and the dog."
She's right. Putting myself through hell is one thing but putting the people around me through hell is unacceptable. It never really dawned on me how much it effects other people. (I'm cranky as hell when i don't smoke and every time i smoke again that clock starts over) Supposedly the first 72 hours are the worst. I've yet to go 72 hours straight. I've only made it about 36 or so up to this point.
Maybe this realization will be the catalyst i need. Stay tuned..
Until my girlfriend made the light bulb go off. She said, "now you're just going to have to start over again." I replied, "yeah, that's fine." She said, "fine for you maybe but not for me and the dog."
She's right. Putting myself through hell is one thing but putting the people around me through hell is unacceptable. It never really dawned on me how much it effects other people. (I'm cranky as hell when i don't smoke and every time i smoke again that clock starts over) Supposedly the first 72 hours are the worst. I've yet to go 72 hours straight. I've only made it about 36 or so up to this point.
Maybe this realization will be the catalyst i need. Stay tuned..
Smoke Free - Day 4
Yesterday's post was a little premature. Although i had "gotten rid" of everything, i didn't empty the ashtrays. I couldn't resist.
The happy part is that now everything is REALLY gone. Independence Day coincided nicely with my first real day of independence from smoking.
I knew this challenge wasn't going to be easy, and i expected some road bumps. I can't get depressed and fall back into the negative behavior. That's what i've done in the past. I fuck up once or twice and suddenly i'm back to smoking on a regular basis as if i've never stopped.
I can promise that there will be no smoking today. I plan to take my ZMA and hit the sack shortly after publishing this post.
Tomorrow will be the 2nd day in a row being smoke free!
The happy part is that now everything is REALLY gone. Independence Day coincided nicely with my first real day of independence from smoking.
I knew this challenge wasn't going to be easy, and i expected some road bumps. I can't get depressed and fall back into the negative behavior. That's what i've done in the past. I fuck up once or twice and suddenly i'm back to smoking on a regular basis as if i've never stopped.
I can promise that there will be no smoking today. I plan to take my ZMA and hit the sack shortly after publishing this post.
Tomorrow will be the 2nd day in a row being smoke free!
Smoke Free - Day 3
Day 3 was a smoke free success! I'm not going to pretend it was easy but the satisfaction of a small victory will be enough to make it through another day.
I realize that smoking isn't making my life any better. I use it as an escape. However, i've started to realize that trying to escape from reality only buries you deeper into the very reality from which you are trying to escape.
I need to face my fear and embrace the suck. Stepping out of my comfort zone is the only way i'll grow.
I realize that smoking isn't making my life any better. I use it as an escape. However, i've started to realize that trying to escape from reality only buries you deeper into the very reality from which you are trying to escape.
I need to face my fear and embrace the suck. Stepping out of my comfort zone is the only way i'll grow.
Smoke Free - Day 2
I wish i had better news on Day 2 but that isn't the case. I'm a human not a superhero. I've been smoking for over a decade, i was naive for thinking that i would just stop. Especially keeping them around. Lesson learned.
The good news is that now i'm officially out so tomorrow is the restart. No plans on going to the store to buy any more. I'll extend the challenge for two days for good measure.
The plan is to fully commit to living a healthy life in all aspects. Hopefully i'll be so busy that i won't even think about smoking.
Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. Can't let a bump in the road ruin the whole journey.
The good news is that now i'm officially out so tomorrow is the restart. No plans on going to the store to buy any more. I'll extend the challenge for two days for good measure.
The plan is to fully commit to living a healthy life in all aspects. Hopefully i'll be so busy that i won't even think about smoking.
Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. Can't let a bump in the road ruin the whole journey.
Smoke Free - Day 1
Last night i enjoyed a few final smokes before packing up the lighters and ashtrays and shoving everything into a closet. I removed all visual cues that would make me think about smoking.
Today wasn't fun. As soon as i woke up i was trying to figure out ways to get around having to start the challenge. Just one puff, only one smoke after work instead of quitting completely, etc.
The workday was long and unproductive. The thought of smoking was the only thing i could concentrate on.
I was also extra irritable. I'm generally chill in my car but today i wanted to lash out at every driver that wasn't traversing up to my standards.
And then...FAILURE. Lunchtime happened and so did smoking. Unfortunately i didn't actually get rid of my stuff, i just put it away.
Day one and i've already let myself down. Self-doubt, depression, etc. ensues. Capped by more negative behavior. This has been the cycle in the past.
I'm obviously setting myself up to fail but does that mean i don't even want to succeed? I can't answer that question.
I could also concentrate on the positives. Although i smoked, i was able to avoid smoking upon waking up. Small steps. Small victories. There's still 20 days left and i don't plan on failing every day.
New goal is to [not so] gradually reduce the amount of times i smoke each day. By July 4th, i'll no longer be smoking. Hopefully this will make the journey a tad bit more bearable for myself and the people around me.
Don't give up on me on the first day!
Today wasn't fun. As soon as i woke up i was trying to figure out ways to get around having to start the challenge. Just one puff, only one smoke after work instead of quitting completely, etc.
The workday was long and unproductive. The thought of smoking was the only thing i could concentrate on.
I was also extra irritable. I'm generally chill in my car but today i wanted to lash out at every driver that wasn't traversing up to my standards.
And then...FAILURE. Lunchtime happened and so did smoking. Unfortunately i didn't actually get rid of my stuff, i just put it away.
Day one and i've already let myself down. Self-doubt, depression, etc. ensues. Capped by more negative behavior. This has been the cycle in the past.
I'm obviously setting myself up to fail but does that mean i don't even want to succeed? I can't answer that question.
I could also concentrate on the positives. Although i smoked, i was able to avoid smoking upon waking up. Small steps. Small victories. There's still 20 days left and i don't plan on failing every day.
New goal is to [not so] gradually reduce the amount of times i smoke each day. By July 4th, i'll no longer be smoking. Hopefully this will make the journey a tad bit more bearable for myself and the people around me.
Don't give up on me on the first day!
Smoke Free - Introduction
I've been a smoker for over a decade now. I started when i was 16 and got my driver's license. Having a car made it easy to leave the house and conceal the smoking. The habit got worse when i moved away to college and was on my own entirely for the first time. It didn't help that we were allowed to smoke in our dorm rooms!
Anyways, through college and thereafter the smoking habit has never left. It's the one thing in my life that i really don't feel like i have control over. It's gotten to a point where it's affected me physically, mentally, financially, and otherwise. It's time that i get this habit under control.
I must admit that this challenge has been on my mind from the very start but i haven't been strong enough to seriously give it a try. However, when asking myself, "which challenge would provide the most benefit?" quitting smoking rang loudly and quickly.
After 21 days is over, i can't say i'll never smoke again. That's not the point though. It's more about proving to myself that i'm able.
This challenge chose me. I didn't choose it. The fun begins in the morning. In the meantime, i'll enjoy a smoke or two before the night is out.
Anyways, through college and thereafter the smoking habit has never left. It's the one thing in my life that i really don't feel like i have control over. It's gotten to a point where it's affected me physically, mentally, financially, and otherwise. It's time that i get this habit under control.
I must admit that this challenge has been on my mind from the very start but i haven't been strong enough to seriously give it a try. However, when asking myself, "which challenge would provide the most benefit?" quitting smoking rang loudly and quickly.
After 21 days is over, i can't say i'll never smoke again. That's not the point though. It's more about proving to myself that i'm able.
This challenge chose me. I didn't choose it. The fun begins in the morning. In the meantime, i'll enjoy a smoke or two before the night is out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)