Note to Self

I want to live life freely and on my own will and accord. I want to have the freedom to do what I want (within reason.)

To be adventurous and truly enjoy life. To find the meaning of happiness as it pertains to me. To find meaning and joy in my work. To have a passion. To be an honest person, even if doing so has negative consequences. To take responsibility for my actions while not beating myself up over the past or things that I can’t control.

I feel as though the way we (Westerners) are living is pointless and devoid of meaning. Back in the day it was about survival. Today it’s about proving your "worth". And not even you’re value or worth as a person. It’s about what kind of financial value you can provide and how much one can accumulate for themselves.

What’s crazy is that some of the richest people in the world are the same ones that give so much of their fortune away. For them, money doesn’t buy happiness, it’s the amount of people they can help with that money that does. Sure, it's easy to give when you have so much -- but the underlying principle remains. Perhaps this is how I need to view it.  

Don’t make money for money’s sake. Do it for others. Do it for the "highest good." Give my time along the way. Money is great -- and can solve many problems -- but nothing will prove to be more rewarding than giving my time. Anybody can write a check. Give myself.

Focus on the present. I preach it but I don’t live it. Each moment I will never get back. It’s gone forever. Cherish each one.

Don’t harm my body. Treat it as a temple. My body is complex but it’s simple for me to maintain. Eat because I have to, not because I want to. Smaller portions, less frequently. Digesting food takes a toll on the body. Why not let it do other, more important things? Eat food that is healthy, locally grown, seasonal, organic-when-available. Exercise. Go out and play. At the same time, don’t take shit too seriously.

An occasional indulgence won’t hurt. When occasions become more frequent, though, it’s no longer an occasion but a regular occurrence. Save regular occurrences for things that are truly worthwhile -- the shit that will matter in 5-10 years and beyond. Ask myself, will this be meaningful? If the answer is no, consider not doing it. Sometimes, do it anyway. Fuck it.

Appreciate nature. It’s God's art. Make time to enjoy it. It will benefit me.

Remind myself that words without actions have no meaning, and all of this is bullshit if I don’t make an effort toward living it.

Goals 15/16 - June Update & Conclusion

A year has passed since i came on here and communicated my goals.  Here's the final count:

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	12	17	70.59%
Pullups	2610	5000	52.20%
Reduce Debt	$21,250.21	$25,882.11	$4,631.90
Keep the Fiance	12	12	100.00%
Volunteerism (h)	4.5	24	18.75%
Meditation (m)	115	1440	7.99%

While i can't say that i'm pleased with the results, i can say that i'm happy that i accomplished what i was able to accomplish.

I read a book a month.

I did 2610 pullups.

I reduced my debt by $4632.

I still have a fiance.

I volunteered for 4 and a half hours.

And i meditated a little bit.

I will take time to reflect on what went wrong and work to improve myself based on what i uncover.  Nothing is a failure if you learn from it.

Goals 15/16 - May Update

I've fallen off the wagon.  There's really no other way to say it.  I think that i became so overwhelmed that i lost motivation.  

Anyways, here's the progress -- with just 18 days remaining.

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	12	17	70.59%
Pullups	2592	5000	51.84%
Reduce Debt	$21,447.17	$25,882.11	$4,434.94
Keep the Fiance	11	12	91.67%
Volunteerism (h)	4.5	24	18.75%
Meditation (m)	115	1440	7.99%

No reason to be down on myself, though.  It is what it is.  While the past often predicts the future -- it doesn't have to.

Goals 15/16 - April Update

Well, April didn't go very well in terms of goals.  Here's the stats:

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	12	17	70.59%
Pullups	2480	5000	49.60%
Reduce Debt	$21,744.63	$25,882.11	$4,137.48
Keep the Fiance	10	12	83.33%
Volunteerism (h)	4.5	24	18.75%
Meditation (m)	115	1440	7.99%

Not going to complain, though.  I've still made progress.

Journal Entry: April 27th, 2016 - On Being

Tim Ferriss said in a podcast that i listened to today (link here) that instead of trying to find our "true calling" we instead have to let it find us.  

We don't take the time to pause and reflect.  We don't meditate.  We don't let the stillness and quiet come.  This is when breakthroughs happen.  Opportunities to become our true selves are all around us.  We simply aren't aware.  We're not looking for the opportunities.  

We're so caught up with the day to day bullshit that we don't give ourselves the freedom that we desire. 

Freedom...from thoughts.  From to-do lists.  We have to allow ourselves to just stop and be.  

Stop trying to force things to happen.  Stop trying so hard to find it.  

Let it come to me.  Be open.  Be aware.  Look for opportunities.  Don't be passive.  Be active.  Be in the moment.  

Move away from instant gratification and be willing to put in the work required.  

Nothing is given and nobody owes me anything.  I have to make it for myself.  

I have to deserve it, as well.  I know i often focus on the people who seemingly have it all and didn't earn it.  No names need to be named.  But i have to refocus that energy on positive thoughts.  I can choose my thoughts.  Are the majority positive or negative?  

What do i talk about?  Am I optimistic and happy or pessimistic and negative?  

We are what we think about.  More like, we are what we think about and are able to follow through with.  Thoughts are things.  And things are real.  

Continuous improvement.  Kaizen.  Implement Kaizen in my own life.  Find those blockages in my personal life and take measures to improve upon them.  

I know that i'm not like an assembly line, but the underlying theme of Kaizen still stands.  Find the problems, fix them.  Improve improve improve.  

Work toward something higher than myself.  Fuck me.  Fuck my ego.  Why can't i detach and live for the sake of existing as opposed to trying to fulfill my own wants and needs?  

I think like a Democrat but act like a Republican.

I'm not Jesus-like.  That dude had it right.  He was willing to give his life for other people.  
Jesus was able to rid himself of his ego.  There's nothing more egoless than dying for the sins of other people.  Well, I guess he was killed because he was a religious extremist.  Everybody was a Jew and he was preaching this other shit.  The Jews were like, "Nah, Son!" tracked him down and stuck him on a cross.

Apparently nailing people to crosses was sort of common thing back in the day.  We were some barbarians.  Hard as fuck.  

We're soft now.  But soft for the better.  We're able to understand the oneness and how cooperation is better than competition.  A rising tide raises all ships.  We must work together to raise the tide.  Everybody must do their part. 

Lose the ego.  Be Jesus-like. 

Goals 15/16 - March Update

An update of my goals through ~9 months:

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	12	17	70.59%
Pullups	2259	5000	45.18%
Reduce Debt	$21,721.43	$25,882.11	$4,160.68
Keep the Fiance	9	12	75.00%
Volunteerism (h)	4.5	24	18.75%
Meditation (m)	115	1440	7.99%

Not much to say other than the numbers don't lie.  I have 3 months left.  I'm hoping to make as big of a dent as possible.

Goals 15/16 - February Update

An update on my goals for time period 6/19/15 - 6/18/16:

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	10	17	58.82%
Pullups	1949	5000	38.98%
Reduce Debt	$22,110.57	$25,882.11	$3,771.54
Keep the Fiance	8	12	66.67%
Volunteerism (h)	4.5	24	18.75%
Meditation (m)	115	1440	7.99%

The only notable here is that I've made significant progress on the debt front this month.  Not because attitudes have changed, but because i was lucky enough to have parents who opened an investment account for me when i was younger.  I was able to cash that in and use the proceeds to pay off debt.  

I know that this action might seem like the wrong move, but the investment account was actively managed (read: high fees).  I should've rolled into my Roth, but i really want to get rid of this debt --especially the higher interest shit.  It's like a weight on my shoulders.  Fuck owing people money.

On to the next one.

Goals 15/16 - January Update

Another month in the books, another opportunity to share progress on my goals:

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	10	17	58.82%
Pullups	1734	5000	34.68%
Reduce Debt	$24,660.14	$25,882.11	$1,221.97
Keep the Fiance	7	12	58.33%
Volunteerism (h)	4.5	24	18.75%
Meditation (m)	115	1440	7.99%

I'm beginning to realize that I'm probably not going to reach the goal for pullups, meditation, and volunteering.  However, instead of getting upset with myself I'm going to focus on how far I've come.

I'm not going to stop either.  Just because I don't think I'll reach the goals doesn't mean I should give up on them.

Check back in a month and we'll see how much closer I'm getting.

Goals 15/16 - December Update

Halfway through the "year" and here's how i stand on my goals:

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	8	17	47.06%
Pullups	1630	5000	32.60%
Reduce Debt	$24,899.12	$25,882.11	$982.99
Keep the Fiance	6	12	50.00%
Volunteerism (h)	4.5	24	18.75%
Meditation (m)	98	1440	6.81%

Boy, do i have work to do!  

I'm ready, though.  The New Year has given me new inspiration.  I'm confident that i can still reach the goals that i've set forth.  I have until June 18th.

Goals 15/16 - November Update

Here's the progress on my goals...(for the period of 6/19/15 - 6/18/16)

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	7	17	41.18%
Pullups	1571	5000	31.42%
Reduce Debt	$25,147.61	$25,882.11	$734.50
Keep the Fiance	5	12	41.67%
Volunteerism (h)	3.5	24	14.58%
Meditation (m)	81	1440	5.63%

I'm behind but I have some time to make up for it.  I'm happy with my progress in the "Books" department, and I still have a fiance, but those are the lone bright spots.

December is a new month and a new opportunity to get closer to my goals.

Goals 15/16 - October Update

Over a third of my "goal year" has already passed.  Here's where I'm at with my goals:
(33% completed means I'm on pace)
 

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	6	17	35.29%
Pullups	1536	5000	30.72%
Reduce Debt	$25,353.43	$25,882.11	$528.68
Keep the Fiance	4	12	33.33%
Volunteerism (h)	3.5	24	14.58%
Meditation (m)	81	1440	5.63%

Books - I was struggling the whole month of September trying to finish both Money by Tony Robbins and The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene so I decided to set those books down.  In turn, I started and finished both The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo and God's Debris by Scott Adams.  I learned that it's much better to move on from a book you're struggling with and read things that excite.  

Pullups - Lowest month of pullups yet.  My back has been hurting a little and I wonder if doing nothing but pullups is a bad idea.

Reduce Debt - Fuck!  I hate debt.  Seeing that I've only put a $500 dent in my debt situation fucking sucks!  (Not enough to create real change in my spending habits, though)

Keep the fiance - Surprised the fiance with a single rose and a bagel for breakfast on our wedding "Countdown Day."

Volunteerism - Didn't do a damn thing :(

Meditation - Only sat for 10 minutes the whole month.

I mustn't procrastinate.  I need to focus on achieving the goals early as opposed to having a "tomorrow" mentality.  Here's to having a more successful update at the beginning of December.

Goals 15/16 - September Update

Still chugging along with my goals for 6/19/15 - 6/18/16:

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	4	17	23.53%
Pullups	1369	5000	27.38%
Reduce Debt	$25,353.43	$25,882.11	$528.68
Keep the Fiance	3	12	25.00%
Volunteerism (h)	3.5	24	14.58%
Meditation (m)	71	1440	4.93%

We're three full months into it, so 25% is considered "on pace."

Books - Slightly behind but i'm in the middle of two books, including Tony Robbins' 600+ page beast Money: Master the Game.

Pullups - September saw the fewest amount of pullups thus far, but I'm still where I need to be to complete this goal.

Reduce Debt - I've paid $528.68 toward my debt.  I'm kind of disappointed in myself here, as I need to dig outta the hole asap.

Keep the fiance - Yup!  She's still around.

Volunteerism - Behind on this goal.  I must remind myself that volunteering doesn't have to be "official."  Simply picking up trash at the park would suffice.  Work to do here.

Meditation - Still struggling.  Not much else to say.

All in all, I'm happy with where I'm at and feel as though I will be able to meet all my goals before my 31st birthday.

Goals 15/16 - August Update

Progress on my goals:

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	4	17	23.53%
Pullups	1095	5000	21.90%
Reduce Debt	$25,536.19	$25,882.11	$345.92
Keep the Fiance	2	12	16.67%
Volunteerism (h)	3.5	24	14.58%
Meditation (m)	71	1440	4.93%

I actually have more debt this month than i do last month, so while i'm still in "less debt than i was last year" i haven't improved in this area.  That's the beauty of tracking.  You can see exactly where you've been and where you're at and figure out what you need to do to progress.

I also didn't volunteer this month so shame on me for that.

Anyways...fuck it!  Onward.

Goals 15/16 - July 2015 Update

As i mentioned in this post, my focus this year (June 19 - June 18) is on longer-term goals.

Here is the status as of 7/31/15:

Area	Current	Goal	Progress
Books	3	17	17.65%
Pullups	672	5000	13.44%
Reduce Debt	$25,339.14	$25,882.11	$542.97
Keep the Fiance	1	12	8.33%
Volunteerism (h)	3.5	24	14.58%
Meditation (m)	8	1440	0.56%

So far, everything is on track except for meditation.  Also, "not getting further into debt" might not be lofty enough of a goal.  Pretty much all of that progress is forced in the form of bills.  However, it's nice to see that I'm a tiny bit closer to getting out of the hole.

Notes & Quotes: Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss, M.D.

The following are my favorite quotes from Dr Brian Weiss' Many Lives, Many Masters:

1. There were indeed references to reincarnation in the Old & New Testaments.  In AD 325 the Roman emperor Constantine the Great, along with his mother, Helena, had deleted references to reincarnation contained in the New Testament.  The Second Council of Constantinople, meeting in AD 553, confirmed this action and declared the concept of reincarnation heresy.  Apparently, they thought this concept would weaken the growing power of the church by giving humans too much time to seek their salvation.
2. Groups of souls tend to reincarnate together again and again, working out their karma over the span of many lifetimes.
3. "Our task is to learn, to become God-like through knowledge.  We know so little.  You are here to be my teacher.  I have so much to learn.  By knowledge we approach God, and then we can rest.  Then we come back to teach and help others." Catherine
4. I was fascinated by the way her [Catherine's] concept of death and the afterlife changed so much from lifetime to lifetime.  And yet her experience of death itself was so uniform, so similar, every time.
5. I struggled to believe.  I was overcoming years of alternative programming.  But in my head and in my heart and my gut, I knew she was right.  She was revealing truths.
6. Was my son as spiritually advanced as Catherine had said?  Did he agree to be born to us and then die twenty-three days later in order to help us with our karmic debts, and, in addition, to teach me about medicine and humankind, to nudge me back toward psychiatry?
7. We are frightfully concerned with our own deaths, sometimes so much so that we forget the real purpose of our lives.
8. The reward is in doing, but doing without expecting anything...doing unselfishly.
9. The sands of her [Catherine's] theology were constantly shifting in the hourglass of her lives.  Only after death, in the spiritual state, was there a welcoming and reassuring constancy.
10. Patience and timing...everything comes when it must come.  A life cannot be rushed, cannot be worked on a schedule as so many people want it to be.  We must accept what comes to us at a given time, and not ask for more.  But life is endless, so we never die; we were never really born.  We just pass through different phases.  There is no end.  Humans have many dimensions.  But time is not as we see time, but rather in lessons that are learned.
11. Under hypnosis, she [Catherine] possessed a vast store of knowledge.  Only a fraction of this knowledge, however, was available to her everyday, conscious mind.
12. Our body is just a vehicle for us while we're here.  It is our soul and our spirit that lasts forever.
13. Everything must be balanced.  Nature is balanced.  The beasts live in harmony.  Humans have not learned to do that.  They continue to destroy themselves.
14. We are all the same.  One is no greater than the next.  And all this is just lessons...and punishments.
15. Reincarnation and the in-between planes are basic tenets of kabbalistic literature yet most modern-day Jews are unaware of this.
16. We have debts that must be paid.  If we have not paid out these debts, then we must take them into another life...in order that they may be worked through.
17. We will all have...a dominant trait.  This might be greed, or it might be lust, but whatever is determined, you need to fulfill your debts to these people.  Then you must overcome this in that lifetime.  You must learn to overcome greed.  If you do not, when you return you will have that trait, as well as another one, into your next life.  The burdens will become greater.  With each life that you go through and you do not fulfill these debts, the next one will be harder.  If you fulfill them, you will be given an easy life.  So you choose what life you will have.  In the next phase, you are responsible for the life you have.  You choose it.
18. There was much practical advice along the way: the value of patience and of waiting; the wisdom in the balance of nature; the eradication of fears, especially the fear of death; the need for learning about trust and forgiveness; the importance of learning not to judge others, or to halt anyone's life; the accumulation and use of intuitive powers; and, perhaps most of all, the unshakable knowledge that we are immortal.  We are beyond life and death, beyond space and beyond time.  We are the gods, and they are us.
19. You develop through relationships.  There are some with higher powers who have come back with more knowledge.  They will seek out those who need the development and help them.
20. Theoretical knowledge without practical application is not enough.
21. There is too much black-or-white thinking.  All or none.  This is not the way of nature.  In nature there is balance.  Beasts destroy in small amounts.  Ecological systems are not eliminated en masse.  Plants are consumed and then grow.  The sources of sustenance are dipped into and then replenished.  The flower is enjoyed, the fruit eaten, the root preserved.
22. Humankind has not learned about balance, let alone practiced it.  It is guided by greed and ambition, steered by fear.
23. It as if a large diamond were to be found inside each person.  Picture a diamond a foot-long.  The diamond has a thousand facets, but the facets are covered with dirt and tar.  It is the job of the soul to clean each facet until the surface is brilliant and can reflect a rainbow of colors.  Now, some have cleaned many facets and gleam brightly.  Others have only managed to clean a few; they do not sparkle so.  Yet, underneath the dirt, each person possesses within his or her breast a brilliant diamond with a thousand gleaming facets.  The diamond is perfect, not one flaw.  The only differences among people are the number of facets cleaned.  But each diamond is the same, and each is perfect.
24. I listen to my dreams and intuitions.  When I do, things seem to fall into place.  When I do not, something invariably goes awry.